These definitions reflect how terms are commonly understood and defined within the BDSM community. Some mainstream versions of these definitions are sanitized for palatability. They soften the intensity, or make assumptions about consent, trust, or aftercare that, while important, aren’t part of the term itself. This disconnect between the polite explanations and what these terms actually represent creates real risks. Someone using a more mainstream understanding may agree to something far more intense than they anticipated, while their partner assumes they understand the full scope of what they’re consenting to. This doesn’t mean there’s only one right way to do something, but knowing how the community typically understands these terms helps ensure everyone is truly on the same page.
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A dynamic where power exchange is continuous rather than limited to negotiated scenes. Describes when a dynamic applies, not how much authority is exchanged: a 24/7 arrangement may be narrow or expansive in scope. Though often conflated with Total Power Exchange, which is 24/7 by nature, the reverse isn’t true.
The care and attention given to participants after a scene ends. This may include physical comfort, emotional support, hydration, snacks, or whatever helps people transition back from a scene. Needs vary by person and scene intensity.
The person on the receiving end of an interaction. This is distinct from the submissive role; one may bottom while playing a dominant role.
See: top
Agreement to participate in an activity. This can be given verbally, non-verbally, or through pre-established agreements. Consent can be withdrawn, though how this happens varies. Some use safewords, direct communication, or other pre-negotiated conditions.
See: negotiations
A person who takes the leadership or controlling role in a power exchange dynamic, directing their partner and often acting upon them. Note: Though “Dom” is commonly used as a gender-neutral term, “domme” specifically indicates a feminine-identified dominant.
See: submissive (sub)
An activity, condition, or category a participant will not engage in: the outer boundary of what negotiation can cover, not a point inside it. It isn’t necessarily something disliked; it may be excluded for reasons of health, history, risk, legal exposure, or outside obligations, and no explanation is owed. Limits may vary by person, relationship, or circumstance. Silence on a topic is not permission, so a limit doesn’t have to be stated to exist.
See: soft limit, negotiations, consent
A temporary shift immediately following orgasm where kinks or fetishes that felt highly compelling moments before can abruptly lose some of their appeal — anywhere from lessened interest in some to active aversion or outright disgust in others. Typically more pronounced in men, this is a normal physiological response that fades and does not reflect one’s long-term sexual interests or identity.
Main entry: Summo atria femina
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Psychological play in which a top leads a bottom to believe a situation is more extreme, uncertain, or consequential than it actually is, using suggestion, misdirection, or staged scenarios.
The process by which participants establish the parameters of a scene or dynamic — desires, limits, and practicalities. Negotiations define the space an interaction will occupy, not its script. In established dynamics, negotiations may become less formal and evolve over time.
See: consent, safeword, soft limit, hard limit
A form of roleplay in which a participant adopts the mannerisms and behavior of an animal, commonly a puppy, kitten, or pony. Often paired with a partner taking a complementary role such as handler, owner, or trainer. It may be woven into a D/s or ownership dynamic or practiced entirely apart from power exchange, sexually or non-sexually, where animal headspace may be the central draw. Note: Identifying as someone’s pet does not necessarily imply participation in pet play.
A colloquial term for the abrupt “sobering” shift in mental state some people experience after orgasm, when arousal drops and interest in sexual activities diminishes sharply. Originally used to describe a clear-headed reset, it’s also often associated with feelings of embarrassment, guilt, shame, regret, or disgust. In kink contexts, this can overlap with the kink refractory period.
A dynamic where genuine resistance and the act of overcoming it are desired elements rather than signals to stop.
A pre-negotiated word or signal used to pause, check in, or stop a scene immediately. Safewords exist outside the scene’s normal language, which allows verbal refusal, pleading, or struggle to be used as part of a dynamic without being treated as genuine requests to stop. A common system uses traffic light colors.
See: traffic light system
A negotiated period of BDSM activity with a defined beginning and end that includes specific agreed-upon activities. Typically ranging from minutes to hours.
See: negotiations
An activity a participant will engage in only under specific conditions (advance warning, reduced intensity, particular headspace, check-ins, or just not yet). Often distinguished from a hard limit as “yes, but carefully” rather than “no.” The condition matters more than the label, and confusing the two is a common source of miscommunication.
See: hard limit, negotiations, safeword
A person who takes the receptive or yielding role in a power exchange dynamic, consensually ceding control and often following direction or being acted upon by their dominant partner.
See: dominant (dom/domme)
A person who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles. While some may switch mid scene, some only take on different roles with different partners or in different scenes.
1. The person who directs the specific actions, sequence, or conditions of an interaction — determining what will happen, in what order or under what conditions. Topping may happen in advance or in the moment, and need not encompass every element. This is distinct from the dominant role; one may top a scene even while playing a submissive role within it. 2. At the level of a specific act, the person taking the active role — tying, striking, or applying sensation.
When a person in the bottom role directs or manipulates the actions of the top, often covertly, violating the top’s consent and the dynamic both parties agreed to. When a bottom directs with the top’s full knowledge and consent, it is simply topping. The term is sometimes misapplied to submissives asserting limits or communicating needs, which are not topping from the bottom but legitimate aspects of negotiation.
See: top, bottom, consent, negotiations
A widely used framework for communicating status. Red means stop immediately, yellow means slow down or check in, green means all good or continue. Unlike red and yellow, green is typically given in response to a check-in rather than volunteered.
See: safeword
Anything outside BDSM, fetish, or kink.
A person who enjoys both topping and bottoming. Sometimes extended to “vers top” or “vers bottom” to describe someone with a preference but who can still enjoy the other role. Not to be confused with switch, which refers to alternating between dominant and submissive roles rather than physical top/bottom roles.
See: switch
1. Where non-consensual scenarios are consensually agreed to in advance for specific acts, interactions, or timeframes. This may include scenarios where the participant is refusing (pleading, struggling, distress), unable to communicate (helplessness, immobilization, unawareness), or coerced (through escalating pressure or desperation), all of which are treated as part of the interaction rather than indicators to stop. Rape play, as a form of CNC, is sometimes mistaken for the term itself — though CNC spans a range of scenarios, including abduction, ravishment, and sleep play. 2. When extended to the dynamic in part or as a whole, this agreement can suspend the operational right to withdraw consent by any means, including safewords — replicating non-consensual dynamics with maximal authenticity. Commonly used to enforce a prior agreement where opting out is itself part of what was surrendered, as illustrated in some dynamics involving chastity or punishment, where the absence of any remaining recourse is often central to the experience.
A disciplinary practice where corrective measures involving pain, humiliation, or degradation are administered after a person orgasms, leveraging the refractory period’s physiological and psychological effects. Post-orgasm neurochemical shifts reduce arousal, kink receptivity, and pain tolerance, making punishments one might otherwise enjoy feel genuinely unpleasant and more impactful as a deterrent. Hypersensitivity of erogenous zones immediately following orgasm may also be exploited to intensify certain punishments.
A practice where genital stimulation continues or intensifies immediately after a person reaches orgasm, leveraging the heightened sensitivity of the refractory period. Typically, the stimulation used would otherwise be pleasurable, but post-orgasm sensitivity transforms it into sensations ranging from mildly overwhelming to extremely painful. This often causes strong uncontrollable reactions like jerking, flailing, and spasms that mirror but often exceed the response to tickling.
An orgasm that is intentionally disrupted or manipulated to reduce the pleasure and relief it provides, though the orgasmic reflex still occurs. For a fully ruined orgasm, one devoid of any satisfaction, stimulation is withdrawn just as an orgasm is set in motion. This point of no return is ~3 to 4 seconds before the onset of ejaculation in individuals with penises or clitoral/vaginal contractions in others, but may vary per individual. (Some make a game of this; the longer between the withdrawal and onset of orgasm, the longer the hang time.) A partially ruined orgasm is one where stimulation continues past that point and still provides some pleasure and satiation. Other techniques may involve blocking ejaculation, pain, or distractions, but additional contact typically prevents a complete ruin. While not painful in itself, reactions to a successful ruin can range from disappointment to intense frustration.
A dynamic where authority over a submissive is total, extending into the fabric of daily life. Though a dominant rarely exercises authority across all domains at once, none are categorically off the table: diet, appearance, sleep, finances, travel, speech, and relationships — including the submissive’s ability to exit the dynamic itself, which is what structurally distinguishes TPE from other ongoing arrangements. In practice, TPE typically begins as a fixed term (e.g. 2 weeks) with a scheduled renewal discussion before it expires. The endpoint many work toward is an open-ended arrangement terminable only by the dominant, with check-in windows narrowing over time as trust deepens. Even then, a completely closed arrangement with no exit mechanism of any kind is more often a shared aspiration than a lived reality; a narrow window (e.g. an hour a month) typically remains.
A role or form of address used in some power-exchange relationships. Boy may indicate submission, affection, relative status, or a particular relationship dynamic and does not by itself imply age play or identification as a little.
A submissive who incorporates playful resistance, teasing, provocation, or deliberate disobedience into a dynamic. Bratting is intended to invite engagement rather than genuinely withdraw consent or reject the dynamic.
See: brat tamer, submissive (sub)
A dominant who enjoys or specializes in managing and controlling defiant, sassy, or otherwise bratty submissives. While some brat tamers enjoy “breaking” a submissive, most thrive on administering punishment or otherwise overcoming resistance. The goal is often not to eliminate bratty behavior entirely, but to challenge and rein it in as part of the dynamic.
See: brat, dominant (dom/domme)
A dominant focused on correction and punishment, whether as an end in itself or a means of enforcing rules.
A dominant, often professional, typically known for discipline, pain, and/or humiliation. Most frequently associated with a severe feminine aesthetic involving leather, latex, corsetry, or similar.
A dominant, caregiver, authority, or affectionate role whose meaning varies substantially between dynamics. Daddy dynamics may involve nurturing, discipline, protection, authority, age play, or combinations of these, but the title does not inherently imply age play.
A role or form of address used in some power-exchange relationships. Girl may communicate submission, affection, relative status, or a particular relationship dynamic and does not by itself mean that the person is a little.
A person responsible for directing, managing, supervising, or caring for another participant in a pet or animal-role dynamic. The title is especially common in pup play but may be used with other forms of pet play.
A less common authority or ownership-style title, particularly in pet dynamics. Its meaning is relationship-specific but often emphasizes keeping, caring for, or having responsibility for the other person.
An adult who adopts or experiences a younger-coded role, headspace, or relationship position, commonly within a caregiver/little dynamic. The term describes consenting adults; it does not refer to an actual minor. Littles vary widely in whether age play, regression, caregiving, discipline, or sexuality is part of their dynamic.
An honorific used for an authority figure, Dominant, or higher-status partner. It can communicate respect and hierarchy without implying the more extensive authority associated with titles such as Master or Owner.
An authority role commonly associated with a Master/slave dynamic and an explicitly structured exchange of power. The scope of a Master’s authority depends on the negotiated relationship and cannot be inferred from the title alone.
See: dominant (dom/domme), owner, slave
A dominant, caregiver, authority, or affectionate role whose meaning varies between dynamics. Mommy dynamics may involve nurturing, protection, discipline, age play, or combinations of these, but the title does not inherently imply age play.
A person who holds a negotiated ownership role over another participant. Ownership may be expressed through pet, property, slave, or other relationship frameworks, and the title alone does not determine the extent or form of authority involved.
Someone who occupies an owned, kept, dependent, or pet-like position within a dynamic. The role often combines hierarchy or dehumanization with affection, cherishing, care, or belonging. Being a pet does not necessarily involve behaving like an animal or participating in pet play.
See: handler, keeper, owner, pet play, property, pup, trainer
A role in some forms of primal play centered on pursuit, capture, overpowering, or predatory behavior. Predator describes a negotiated role within the interaction rather than nonconsensual predation.
A role in some forms of primal play centered on being pursued, caught, overpowered, escaping, resisting, or surrendering within negotiated boundaries.
A style of kink emphasizing instinctive, physical, less formalized interaction. Primal play may involve pursuit, wrestling, biting, growling, scent, rough physicality, or predator/prey dynamics, but a primal does not necessarily identify as either predator or prey.
An ownership-oriented role in which a participant is consensually conceptualized or treated as belonging to another person. Property dynamics often emphasize possession and objectification and should not be assumed to be equivalent to either pet or slave dynamics.
A person who takes on a puppy- or dog-like role, identity, or headspace. Pup dynamics commonly involve playfulness, handling, training, packs, animal behavior, or gear, though individual pups vary considerably in what the role means to them.
A person who ties or restrains another person with rope. A rigger is usually the active rope practitioner in a scene, but the term does not inherently imply Dominance.
See: rope bunny, top
A person who enjoys being tied with rope. The term usually describes a rope-bottoming preference rather than submission and does not imply a particular power dynamic.
An honorific used for a authority figure, Dominant, or higher-status partner. It can express respect and hierarchy without necessarily implying ownership or a comprehensive power-exchange relationship.
A submissive identity or relationship role commonly associated with a highly structured or extensive exchange of authority, particularly in Master/slave relationships. The term does not establish a universal degree of control; its scope is determined by the people using it.
See: master, property, submissive (sub)
A person who receives spanking. The term describes the person’s role in that activity and does not inherently indicate submission or masochism.
A person who administers spanking. The term describes the person’s role in that activity and does not inherently indicate Dominance or sadism.
A person whose role emphasizes teaching, conditioning, shaping behavior, or developing skills in another participant. In pet dynamics, a Trainer is typically distinguished from a Handler by the greater emphasis on training itself rather than general direction, supervision, or care.
